Your child is not you, and in some ways may be very different from you, so it is very possible that at some point, not too long after your baby is born, you will begin to wonder, Who is this child? and why are they so different from me, my partner, our other children, or our friends’ children? 
   At this point you are probably discovering your child’s temperament and realizing that it is different from what you were expecting.

What Is Temperament?

   Temperament shapes the way a person experiences the world and interacts with others.  It is what makes each individual unique.  In your baby, temperament determines how they react to the world around them and how they express emotions. 
   Temperament determines how active your baby is, how regular the baby’s sleep, wake and feeding routines are, how easily the baby is distracted from something they are doing, how they respond to new experiences and adapt to new situations, how persistent the baby is when faced with challenges, how intense the baby’s responses and emotions are, how sensitive the baby is to flavors, textures, and noises, and whether the baby has a happy, positive mood or an unhappy, negative mood most of the time.
   In short, temperament determines if your baby seems “easy-going”, “slow-to-warm up”, “difficult” (or “fussy”).
         According to the website About Kids Health, about 40% of babies and children have an easy temperament; that means they readily approach and easily adapt to new situations, react mildly to things, are regular in their sleep, wake and eating routines, and generally have a positive overall mood.  Easy-going babies make their parents feel as if they are doing a great job.
         About 10% of babies and children have a difficult or fussy temperament; that means they withdraw from or are slow to adapt to new situations, have intense reactions, and irregular routines, and a generally negative mood.  They tend to have long and frequent crying episodes.  Difficult babies cause their parents to question their child care abilities and wonder what they are doing wrong, even though the term "difficult" overlooks what are often valuable behavioral traits such as assertiveness, persistence and decisiveness.
         Between 5% and 15% of babies and children are slow-to-warm-up; that means they withdraw from or are slow to adapt to new things, have a low level of activity, and show a lot of negative mood. These babies and children do not like to be pushed into things; they are frequently thought of as shy or sensitive.  They too can cause their parents to wonder what they are doing wrong andto worry about whether the baby is “OK”.
          The remaining 40% or so of children do not fit exclusively into any one category; instead, they have a combination of various temperamental characteristics, which may only confuse or frustrate their parents more.

Why Temperament Matters

   The characteristics of a baby’s temperament emerge early on and become more stable or definite as the baby ages. 
   Unlike intelligence, personality or values, which develop over time and are shaped by a person’s environment or experience or choices, temperament comes pretty much hardwired into the individual’s nervous system at birth.  It doesn’t develop, an individual (or their parents) can’t choose it, it’s pretty much impossible to change, and you don't outgrow it.  Over time, adults learn how to cope with their temperament, even use it to their advantage, but a baby or young child can’t do that.
   There’s no guarantee that your child will be born with the same temperament as you, your partner, or your other children, so parents who discover that their young child’s temperament is different from their own often feel confused, frustrated, even desperate.  As in adult relationships, it can be a challenge to live with a baby whose temperament is different from your own.

What Can a Parent Do?

   Recognizing that your child is not exactly like you, your partner, or other children, and accepting your child for who they are, is the first step.  There are various assessment tools available that can supplement your natural intuition about your child’s temperament. 
   Accepting the fact that you can’t change your child’s temperament is the second step.
   The third and most challenging step is learning to live with your child’s temperament .  This means adapting your child’s environment as best you can, or creating what child development professionals call a “good fit”— in other words, shaping an environment into which your child fits well, is not frustrated, and is not expected to be someone different from whom they are. 
   Learning to live with your child’s temperament means you may have to adapt daily routines and your family environment; it probably means responding to your child’s needs in ways that don’t come naturally to you, or are different from what you may have done with previous children.  As your child grows, it means choosing child care options and learning environments that can accommodate your child’s temperament as much as possible.  At some point you may want to consider temperament as a source of your child’s behavior problems.  Adults who share your child’s temperament, like a partner, other family members, or friends, can also help you understand how to adapt to your child’s temperament if it is different from your own.
> Learn more about adapting to your child’s temperament here.

Temperament and Faith 

   Of course your child’s temperament will influence how you introduce your child to faith.  Because your first task as a parent is to create a faith-filled environment for your child, you will have to incorporate specific characteristics of the God revealed to us in Jesus Christ which complement your child’s temperament. 
   What you expect from a fussy or shy child will be different from what you expect from a child who adapts easily, reacts mildly and generally has a positive mood.  As your child grows, you may have to adapt your worship schedule (or at least  what you expect when you take your child to church) as well as your family prayer and devotional routines. 
   Whatever your child’s temperament, they need to experience the kind of love described by St. Paul: love that is patient and kind, not arrogant or rude; love that is not irritable or resentful and does not insist on its own way; love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things” (cf. 1 Corinthians 13).

Learn More:
If you are struggling to understand and adapt to your infant child’s temperament, here are resources which you might find helpful:
Videos
Navigating Your Child’s Temperament (Parenting Lab)
Temperament (Zero to Three)
Temperament—What Makes Your Child Tick (Zero-to-Three)
Articles
Born That Way (Aeon)
Common Child Temperament Traits (Very Well Family)
How the Four Temperaments Can Help You Understand Others (Grotto Network)
How to Understand Your Child’s Temperament (HealthyChildren.org)
Temperament (About Kids Health)
Temperament—What It Is and Why It Matters (Raising Children)
Temperament in Early Childhood Learning Module (Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences)
Tips on Temperament (Zero to Three)
Understanding Temperament in Children and Toddlers (Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning)
Assessment Tools
Infant Temperament Tool (Georgetown University Center for Child and Human Development)
Temperament Assessment Quiz (Your Parenting Mojo)
Temperament Quiz (Program for Early Parent Support)
Books
Understanding Temperament—Strategies for Creating Family Harmony. Lyndal Shick. (Parenting Press. 1997)
The Challenging Child. Stanley I. Greenspan. (DaCapo Books. 1996)
Temperament Tools—Working With Your Child’s Inborn Traits. Helen F. Neville. (Parenting Press. Revised 2015)
Raising An Original—Parenting Each Child According to Their Unique God-Given Temperament. Julie Lyles Carr. (Zondervan. 2016)
Temperament and Faith
Temperament and the Spiritual Life. (Diocese of Arlington VA)
A Catholic Guide to the Four Temperaments (Good Catholic)
The Temperament God Gave You (Trinity Road)
The Four Temperaments and the Spiritual Life (Catholic Apologetics)
Temperaments and the Call to Holiness (Catholic Culture)

Disclaimer
This information is not provided by medical professionals and is not intended as a substitute
for professional medical help or counsel.

[Posted 01.18.23]