For many persons, the holidays are not a time of joy and happiness. 

The stress of a busy schedule, hidden (and not-so-hidden) expectations, family tensions, separation or loss of loved ones, chronic illness, loneliness, financial hardship, fatigue or depression can all add to the pain of a festive season.  It's all made worse by the fact that everyone else seems to be having a good time and wishes you would too.

The best advice is to be honest with yourself and with your loved ones.  Decide what you can and cannot do this year, regardless of traditions and expectations.  Adjust plans when you need to.  If you feel ups and downs, take advantage of the good times and rest faithfully with the painful times as best you can. You can't force yourself to be happy and you don't have to pretend that everything is OK.  On the other hand, you don't have to surrender entirely to feelings of disappointment, guilt, shame or despair.  Focus from time to time on the big picture -- the possibility of healing, and the "new normal" which emerges slowly and gradually over time. 

The Catholic writer and teacher Fr. Richard Rohr OFM reminds us that Christians believe life is a succession of dyings and risings. He writes:
        At the center of the Eucharist, we proclaim, “Christ has died, Christ is risen, and Christ will come
        again.”  That is the saving pattern! It is not a mystery of faith; it is the mystery of faith. It will
        never change.  ...[W]e can return to the pattern of our faith and the pattern of reality: that things
        die and things resurrect, and both are good teachers. Christ must be recognized and welcomed
        in both places.... The way down always teaches us. We need times where the soul is broken and
        we need some place we can go to weep and mourn. But we must have healthy people there
        who don’t let us sink into that negativity as a way of life. As people of faith, we are called
        to be agents of transformation who witness and accompany change with the wisdom of the soul.

If you are grieving the loss of someone special, remember that every person and every family grieves differently; expect every holiday to be different as you gradually learn to go on living in the absence of your loved one.

In some cases, depression or grief may be so debilitating or painful that professional counseling is necessary.  If you were having a heart attack or stroke, you wouldn't hesitate to get help;  why should mental, emotional or spiritual crises be any different?  The truth is that no one heals on their own.  In the absence of good friends or family members who can be supportive and helpful, a professional mental health counselor, grief counselor or spiritual guide is a wise choice.
> Find out more about grief support here.

If you or someone you know struggles with sadness or grief at the holidays, here are some resources which you might find helpful.  These resources are not a substitute for professional mental health or grief counseling.

Holiday Sadness, Stress and Depression

A Return to Hope.  Cynthia Benge (author's blog)
A Time to Weep--Advent and Christmas.  John D. Witvliet. (Reformed Worship)
Advent Is a Time to Face Your Fears.  Fr. Terrance Klein (America Magazine. 12.28.18)
Blue Christmas--How to Help Those Who Struggle During the Holidays (BustedHalow podcast. 11.20.23)
Can't Force the Feeling--How Letting Go Helped Me Enjoy Christmas. Sarah Garone. (BustedHalo. 12.19.18)
Coping With Depression During the Holidays. Julia Hogan (Grotto Network 2020)
Dealing With Grief Around the Holidays. Fr. Dave Dyer (BustedHalo)
Depression and the Holidays.  Barbara Kay Lundblad (Sojourners Magazine. 11.12.14)
Five Steps Toward Better Holidays.  Benjamin L. Corey. (Patheos blog. 12.14.17)
Five Ways to Cope With Loneliness Over the Holidays.  Julia Hogan.  (Grotto Network)
Four Things to Do to Combat the Post-Christmas Blues.  Chloe Langr. (Aleteia.  12.27.18)
Four Ways to Avoid Holiday Depression.  Michael Kerr. (Neurocore Centers. 12.22.17)
Happy Holidays--Six Ways to Get There.  James Baraz. (Yes! Magazine. 12.23.10)
Holiday Spiritual Practices to Soothe the Soul.  Roger Gottlieb. (Patheos blog. 12.05.12)
Holiday Depression and Stress.  (WebMD)
How Merry Do I Need to Be This Christmas? Jessey McCartney (Grotto Network. 2020)
How to Beat the Post-Holiday Blues in a Pandemic.  Jessica Toomer (Guideposts. 12.22.20)
It's OK If Winter Makes You Sad.  Jason Marsch. (Yes! Magazine 12.15.14)
You Can't Force the Feeling--Letting Go of Expectations. Sarah Garone. (BustedHalo. 12.17.21)
Pray Through Pain at Christmas. Barbara Lee. (Ignatian Spirituality 12.22)
Seven Ways to Manage Your Mental Health This Holiday. Caitlin Sica (Grotto Network 2020)
Survival Guide to a Fairly Happy Christmas.  Leslie Scanlon. (U.S. Catholic Magazine. 12.09)
Tips for Coping With Stress, Depression and the Holidays. (Mayo Clinic)
What You Need to Know About Seasonal Depression.  Julia Hogan (Grotto Network)
When the Christmas Season Brings More Pain Than Joy.  Nancy Hightower.  (Sojourners 12.04.18)
Why It's OK to Grieve During Advent.  Elizabeth Nance-Coker (Ethics Daily. 12.05.18)
Why You Should Feast Even If You're Alone. David Russell Mosley (The Christian Century. 12.07.20)
Will There Be Peace at Home This Christmas?  Gail Besse (Our Sunday Visitor. 12.17.06)

Holiday Grief

Dealing With Grief During the Holiday Season.  Amy Goyer. (AARP. 12.19.12)
A Different Kind of Christmas. (Performed by Mark Schultz)
An Examen in Times of Pain (Ignatian Spirituality)
Facing Grief During the Holidays.  Paula D'Arcy. (Franciscan Spirit. 11.20.18)
Fatherly Advice--Dealing with Grief Around the Holidays.  Fr. Dave Dwyer (BustedHalo podcast)
The First Holiday Without a Loved One.  Mikala Jamison. The Atlantic. December 23, 2018)
From Trigger to Touchstone.  Darwin L. Huartson. (Locke Funeral Home. 11.26.18)
Good Grief in the Holidays.  Celeste Miller. (Locke Funeral Home. 10.15.18)
Grieving During the Holidays.  (Creighton University Online Ministries)
Grief and the Holidays.  Linda Cherek (Loyola Spirituality Center. 11.19.20)
Grief at Christmas.  Kathleen O'Hara. (U.S. Catholic Magazine)
Grief During the Holidays (Cedar Valley Hospice)
Grieving During the Holidays Can Be Beautiful (Grotto Network)
Grief Is Never Easy But During the Holidays It's Especially Tough. Meghan Rabbit (Health.com)
The Gift of Remembering Those We've Lost.  Shannon Hayes. (Yes! Magazine. 12.17.12)
Helping Yourself Heal During the Holidays.  Alan Wolfelt. (Center for Loss. 12.16.16)
The Holidays Are Coming. Vicki Reece (Care Courier 12.22)
A Prayer for Someone Who Is Struggling at the Holiday Season.  Billl Kubat. (Good Samaritan
   Society. 11.01.18)
Joyce Rupp's Prayer, "The Heart of Eternal Love" (Annunciation School. 10.07.15)
Searching for Solace in Advent and Christmas. Jan Richardson (The Advent Door)

Related Links
> Information for Catholics Living With Depression
> Information for Persons Who Have Experienced A Loved One's Suicide
> The Spiritual Challenge of Grief
> Blue Christms Prayer Service

[Last Update: 12.02.22]