What Is Child Sexual Abuse?

   Child sexual abuse is any sexual activity with a child or under-age youth by an adult, adolescent or older child. These acts can include sexual touching and sexual behaviors which do not include touching.

   Examples of abuse which involves touching are:
   • Touching a child’s penis, testicles, vulva, breasts, or anus for sexual pleasure or other
     unnecessary purposes.
   • Making a child touch someone else’s genitals, or playing sexual (“pants-down”) games.
   • Putting objects or body parts like fingers, tongue or a penis inside the vulva or vagina, in the
     mouth, or in the anus of a child for sexual pleasure or other unnecessary purposes.

   Examples of abuse which do not involve touching are:
   • Showing pornography to a child.
   • Exposing a person’s genitals to a child.
   • Asking children to interact sexually with one another.
   • Online enticement of a child for sexual purposes.
   • Photographing a child in sexual poses.
   • Exposing a child to adult sexual activity in person or through the use of technology.
   • Watching a child undress or use the bathroom, often without the child’s knowledge (known as
     voyeurism or being a “Peeping Tom.”
   (Courtesy of the New Mexico Coalition of Sexual Assault Programs, Inc.)

Who Is a Sexual Predator?

   Sexual predators are not necessarily “creepy” older men.  They come from all walks of life, all social and economic classes, all ages and either gender.  To people who do not know them well, they may often appear to be otherwise normal, well-adjusted and respected individuals who are friendly and exceptionally ingratiating.
   Predators may be strangers, but they are more likely to be family members, friends, and professionals who have regular contact with a child -- like teachers, coaches, counselors, Scout leaders, medical personnel, or ministers.  95% of predators are known and trusted by their victims.

Who Is a Likely Victim?

   Sexual predators do not discriminate.  Any child can be a victim of sexual abuse. 
   However, predators often choose vulnerable children who are shy, lack friends, and don’t seem to “fit in.”  These are often children or youth with personal or family problems which cause them to feel and act differently from others, be unmotivated, be socially marginalized and emotionally detached.
   However, predators may also choose popular, friendly and successful children who wish to be even more popular or successful.
   In any case, predators tend to choose children or youth who are unlikely to report abuse to adults.  Child abuse thrives on secrecy.

Signs That Your Child is Being “Groomed” by a Predator

   A single sexual assault may occur suddenly and without premeditation, but the sexual abuse of children or youth is usually preceded by a period of gradual preparation called “grooming.” 
   During the grooming process the predator works deliberately and carefully to gain the child’s (and often the family’s) trust.  The grooming process may last weeks, months, or even years before actual sexual abuse happens.
   Here are common signs that a predator may be grooming a child or youth:
   • he or she pays special attention to the child.
   • he or she spends more time with the child than is usual or necessary.
   • he or she spends time alone with the child in unsupervised situations like car rides.
   • he or she provides gifts or favors to the child (and sometimes the family).
   • he or she has personal contact with the child on social media.
   • he or she shows an inappropriate interest in the child’s friendships or relationships.
   • he or she has physical contact with the child, which often appears at first to be only casual or
     playful, like hugging or wrestling.
   • he or she exhibits a tendency to ignore or break rules and conventions, and encourages the child
     to do the same.
   • he or she discusses sexual matters with the child and may provide access to porn.
   • he or she suggests or threatens the child to keep their relationship or any of these behaviors a
     secret because other people “wouldn’t understand.”
   Any one of these behaviors is a cause for concern.  More than one suggests that a parent should take action by reporting the behavior to the appropriate authorities.

Signs That Your Child is Being Abused

   Children or youth who are being sexually abused usually exhibit a change in mood, attitude or behavior which seems unusual and unexplainable.
   Here are some common signs that a child or youth may be experiencing sexual abuse:
   • he or she seems moody or uncommunicative -- or, on the other hand, more talkative and chatty
     than usual.
   • he or she exhibits unexplainable mood-swings or inappropriate emotional reactions.
   • he or she loses interest in activities or friends they were previously interested in.
   • he or she shows a tendency to be more defiant toward authority and less respectful of rules and
     boundaries.
   • he or she spends a lot of time by themselves or in unexplained absences from home or school.
   • he or she is particularly sensitive or secretive about their use of social media.
   • he or she shows an unusual interest in their appearance – or, on the other hand, appears not to
     care about their appearance, personal hygiene or health.
   • he or she exhibits unexplained physical symptoms such as anxiety, headaches, lack of sleep,
     nightmares, bedwetting, disinterest in eating or nausea.
   • he or she acts out sexualized play, alludes to sexual topics, asks questions or seems to know more
     about sex than you would expect for a child their age.
   • younger children may exhibit a fear of being alone or a fear of certain places, show signs of
     separation anxiety, and become physically more “cling-y” – or, on the other hand, react negatively
     to physical touch and show resistance to bathing, toileting or changing clothes in the presence of
     an adult.
   • older children may intentionally harm themselves by cutting, burning or attempting suicide.
   • victims from other families may also show signs of neglect, lack of adequate care, supervision or
     medical attention.
   Any one of these behaviors is a cause for concern.  Follow your instincts. If you have suspicions that something is off or wrong with your child, talk to them or contact your local sexual assualt victim service agency for free and confidential advice about options and processing.
   Parents do not want to imagine that their child is a victim of sexual abuse or that someone they know may be abusing their child; they may be the last people to realize or to admit that their child is being groomed or abused by a predator.  Trust the impressions of other adults who know your child and your child’s friends if they sense that “something is wrong” before you do.

What You Should Do

If you know or suspect that your child is being sexually abused by a priest or an employee of the Archdiocese of Dubuque, you can report your concerns to one of the following:
   • Archdiocese of Dubuque's Office of Child Protection.  800-876-3546.
   • The Victim Assistance Coordinator under contract to provide services to victims in the Archdiocese.
      563-584-3000.

Talking to Your Child If You Suspect
They Are Being Groomed or Abused

   You can find suggestions on how to talk to your child about suspected sexual abuse or grooming online at these sites:
• “If You Suspect a Child Is Being Harmed.”  (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
• “How Do You Talk to a Child If You Suspect Sexual Abuse?” (ScienceNordic)
• “6 Questions to Ask Your Child If You Suspect Something’s Wrong.” (Romper)
 
Related Links
• A Parent’s Guide to the Protection of Children and Adolescents (Archdiocese of Dubuque).
• Victim Grooming—Protect Your Child From Sexual Predators (Boys Town)
• How to Talk With Children About the Church's Sex Abuse Crisis (Catholic Parishes in Waterloo)
• Information About Sexual Abuse in the Catholic Church (Catholic Parishes in Waterloo)
• Do's and Don'ts for Busy Parents (EthicsDaily)
• How to Respond If YOur Child Reveals They've Been Abused (EthicsDaily)
• Seven Steps to Keeping Your Child Safe From Abuse (Our Sunday Visitor)

[Last Update: 01.14.21]